I have been letting the devil get in my head. For about a week or two towards the end of July/beginning of August, the devil was assaulting my mind. Those were not good times for me. I was always depressed. I didn't smile much for that whole period. Satan was throwing lie after lie into my head, and I didn't know how to make it stop. And I BELIEVED the lies.
Everything he said seemed to make sense. He said things like:
- "You're ugly."
- "You're not good enough, and you never will be."
- "You can't help others grow in their spiritual walks. You don't know enough yourself, you're the one that needs to be taught."
- "No one likes you."
- "You're not good at anything."
I believed all of those things about myself, and more. I was in a rut and I didn't know how to escape it. Nothing in my life seemed to be going right. In reality, everything was fine, but being in that state of mind makes everything seem worse than it is! But just when things were at their worst, God came to the rescue!
One night, I was reading my devotions. The book was talking about how sometimes we feel like we will never amount to anything, because we feel like we are nothing. (Which is EXACTLY how I felt!) But then it talked about how God can use ANYONE. Almost every character in the Bible felt unworthy or afraid to God's work! I could give you many examples of this, but today I just want to focus on one specific example: the disciples.
As we all know, the 12 disciples lived as Jesus' closest followers while He walked the earth. They traveled with him, they ate with him. They did life together. But when you look at their backstories, you can see that they were the rejects!
In that time period, the ultimate goal for a Jewish child was to become a rabbi. They were raised learning Scripture, memorizing huge chunks, and living according to God's law. Those who were successful were the most powerful and respected people in their culture. These people had all the head knowledge and everything that man would think could be needed to serve God!
But the men Jesus chose to be his disciples were not rabbis! They were rejects: fisherman and tax collectors! To man, this was the exact opposite of the kind of people that the Messiah would use, but Jesus thought otherwise! He took the people that everyone saw as rejects, and he poured his life into them, teaching them and empowering them. As we see later in the book of Acts, these same men, previously rejects, are given the Holy Spirit, giving them the power to do many miraculous signs and wonders in the name of Jesus!
This is why Acts is one of my favorite books. Acts (also known as Acts of the Apostles) is about the rejects of the world becoming some of the most powerful men on the earth. As Jesus said to them in Mark 11:23, "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and has no doubt in his heart but believes that it will happen, it will be done for him." These disciples could do ANYTHING! God made those he seemed less than desirable to BE his church and to continue his ministry after He returned to heaven. How cool is that??
So that's how the devil's attacks on me were put to an end. God has shown me that I don't have to fulfill any standards to be used by Him. Even though I feel unqualified, He can still use me, and He can speak through me. And I believe he wants to. So that's why my blog is coming back: As I continue to grow in my faith and be stretched, I want to share it with all of you, so that you may be encouraged and know that God CAN use anyone! And that includes YOU.