Basically, my responsibilities for TNT are that I need to watch the kids during the night and make sure they are behaving. I need to help facilitate small groups. I need to help with various jobs that may need to be done, such as setting up snack or taking pictures. I was very excited to do all this, but there was one thing that made me hesitate: I also had to teach the lesson at least a few times.
As some of you may know, I HATE public speaking. I have rarely ever done it, and I get sick with nervousness every time I have to. Over the entire course of my schooling, I have given two 5 minute presentations. You can imagine how afraid I was of having to give a 20 minute teaching on God's Word!
However, though I was very afraid to do it, I did feel that God wanted me to do it. I need to grow and become more comfortable in that area. So I accepted the invite and joined the team.
I signed up to teach November 22nd (2 and a half months later) to give myself plenty of time to prepare. But I didn't want to get caught with lots to do late in the process! I had my lesson mostly finished by mid October. It would end up going through a few changes down the road as I learned more about teaching, but it was mostly done at that point.
However, the realization that I would have to sit in front of all those middle school students and teach them didn't really hit me until about two days before it was my day to teach. I began to get very nervous. What if it wasn't good? What if I stuttered, as I so often do? And again, the worry that I've struggled with in the past began to push back into my mind and tell me that I wasn't good enough.
That night, I prayed that God would help give me confidence and help me to stop worrying about teaching! I told God that I trusted Him, and I knew that His will would be done, and that whatever the kids needed to learn from that lesson, they would learn it; not because of me, but because of Him.
However, the worry didn't go away immediately. The day before my lesson and the day of, it was still nagging in the back of my mind. What if I blew it? What if I said something stupid? So many things could go wrong.
Finally, as I was driving to Campus Life for TNT, I prayed again to God and asked him to fill me with confidence and take away my worry! I poured out my heart to Him for a few minutes. Then, just as I finished praying, I started listening to the music I had playing softly in the background. The very first words I heard were "Just believe, and leave the rest to me." Immediately, I felt God's peace rush over me. All my anxiety over teaching was gone. It was amazing. I'd never felt anything like it before.
And my teaching wasn't too bad! It was my first time, so obviously there are ways to improve, but God was faithful. He supplied me with the peace I needed, and he kept me from stumbling over my words. I'm so thankful for what he did for me tonight, and the work he continues to do in me.